Yeah, I’m not going to try to add literary allusions or anything remotely resembling the high brow in this one. I’m just going to outright tell you: stop masturbating so goddamn much. The “sin of Onan” (god dammit, I went and made an allusion) is one of the worst ways you can occupy your time, for not only does masturbating accomplish absolutely nothing, it actually does harm to you in many ways such as:

1. It makes you less receptive to actual sex.

Despite all the pornography that floods the realms of cyberspace, the current generation has less sex than any generation of the past 100 years. While it’s likely that the proliferation of porn is not the only reason for this (frankly, it’s my opinion that people today, or at least most of the people around me, are just plain unattractive, both physically and emotionally), the fact that doctors are reporting surging numbers of 20 and 30 year old men coming to them with erectile dysfunction would seem to suggest that it is part of the problem.

Plus, some research indicates that one is actually capable of being addicted to pornography, as sexual release triggers the same endorphin response that drug use does, a response that, like a high from a drug, will eventually wear off, necessitating more usage. And much like a junkie desperately searching for that next high, you may very well find yourself sitting at your computer for hours, whacking off into oblivion.

2. It lowers your testosterone level.

This is probably related to Number 1, but it bears repeating: testosterone is good for men. Having a high natural testosterone level (the biology and anthropology purists are yelling at me to say “It’s not the baseline T level that’s tested, it’s the amount of T released into the bloodstream in times of stress and/or triumph!”, to which I say go back to your baboon testicles, Dr. Sapolsky) has been correlated to many positive health benefits for men, such as: increased energy, increased metabolism (which means less adipose tissue), higher sex drive and sexual function, increased muscle mass, increased bone density/lower risk of arthritis, emotional stability (contrary to popular belief, men with low testosterone are more “crabby” and irritable than those with high levels), and more (including several neurological effects). 

Related to this, studies have shown that baseline testosterone levels in the bloodstream steadily increase after the onset of sexual abstinence, peaking at 7-10 days, a point at which they plateau and continue to do so until ejaculation. Knowing the benefits of increased testosterone, why would you waste it?

3. It makes you less attractive to women.

This occurs in ways both macro and micro. The macro, simply put, comes from the fact that, in addition to the frequent masturbator not taking advantage of the physical benefits increased testosterone gives (see number 2), women are just not attracted to buttery soft, womanly hands. In my personal experience, women love to feel the calluses upon a man’s hands, and just one lotion-soaked fap session a week will take away from the sexy, alligator-like roughness of your palms.

Beyond the purely physical, some research indicates that they may be capable of directly sensing pheromone signals related to your hormonal levels, and, of course, react positively to it (that same research indicates that males react with more arousal to women that are in the midst of ovulation)

4. It weakens your mental fortitude.

If you read my work, you’ll probably figure out that I’m a big fan of mental training alongside physical training. Giving in to the temptation of frequent masturbating (or any other temptation for that matter) throws a wrench into your mental training.

5. There is no 5

So now that I’ve convinced you to stop masturbating, you might ask, how do I stop? I am no expert, but I can tell you what worked for me, and the best part is, this plan only has three facets:

Step 1: Separate yourself from the substance. In other words, delete all your pornography from your hard drive, clear your browsing history so you don’t have the websites anymore. Seems pretty obvious to me that removing the source of your addiction from your presence is the fastest way to get unattached emotionally.

Step 2: Find some other hobbies to fill your time with. “Idle Hands are the devil’s tool” and all. Many of the hobbies and interests I partake in are detailed on this website, and they have successfully occupied my time. I won’t tell you what activity you should partake in, just make it something constructive.

Step 3: Take it slow. Rather than trying to go cold turkey all at once, go gradually-if you jerk it twice a day, try limiting it to once a day for a week or two, then once every other day, and so on and so forth.

I don’t have any advice beyond that-I’m not going to tell you to consume a few grams of saltpeter or whatever to kill your sex drive, I personally don’t care for supplements very much.

I hope my advice helps, and I hope you wean yourself off of modernity’s favorite opiate.