Every man dreams of having threesomes, essentially from the time that he first begins to understand his burgeoning sexuality. Images of barbarian chieftains, decadent business tycoons and other sundry alpha male-types, surrounded by nubiles, are instantly associated with the word “threesome”.
In fact, the first time I went out actively cruising for women (in my freshman year of college), I very well could have lost my virginity in a threesome: two trashily beautiful (or should that be beautifully trashy?) young co-eds approached me at a party, made a brief bit of small talk, began fondling my mighty abdominal muscles and kissing everything above the neck…before I blew my chance and let them go. Alas, the glory of being deflowered by two women at the same time is one that can only be held by Giacomo Casanova. However, a couple of years (and one deflowering) later, I got another chance to achieve every man’s dream, and this is what I have come to discuss with you today.
What I learned was somewhat disillusioning: a threesome is not the be-all and end-all of sex. It’s just like any other sexual encounter, in that some are absolutely horrendous, and some are (presumably) good. As one might assume, my one experience with threesomes was in the former category:
I was in college at that time, and being away from my family and friends allowed me to do wonderful sexual experiments: I had recently entered into a casual relationship with a young lady (let’s call her “Nina”), who was, admittedly, somewhere between a 5 and a 6, with a decent face, but a body that was a little too skinny for my tastes. Despite this, she was loving, feminine, and let me have sex with her without a condom. Offhandedly, she was also a bisexual, and was simultaneously seeing another woman when she was with me. Upon meeting the equally average co-conspirator of these Sapphic shenanigans (who I will refer to as “Joan”, and was a “butterface” in contrast to Nina’s “butterbody”), the three of us began talking, until the two ladies decided that furiously making out would be a better use of their time. I did what I always do when I see two girls kissing, which is: ask to join in.
A bout of fondling and heavy petting ensued, drinks were had, and I said, in the suavest way possible, “Why don’t we go back to my place?” To my shock, they agreed, apparently just as interested in lavishing attention on one man as I was to have that attention lavished upon me. In my mind, this validated all of the Game tenets that I had just begun to learn at that time. “Women WANT to be subjugated before a man” I thought to myself. “No, they want to be subjugated to ME.”
Visions of debaucherous splendor and undeniable alpha male credentials continuously ran through my head as we arrived back at my building, and kept going until we got back to my bedroom. I quickly embraced Nina, grabbing her bosom as I expected Joan to fondle my crotch, disrobe me, or at the very least, disrobe herself. Instead, I turned my head and found her standing in the corner of the room, watching us.
“…Would you care to join us, Joan?” I inquired. “…Oh, yeah, sure” she replied, as she began to take her clothes off. One of my hands undid my belt as the other went up Nina’s shirt, caressing her tiny breasts. Joan slid her hand into my pants and began doing exactly what you would expect. I closed my eyes, internally smiling at how Mr. and Mrs. Halleck’s little boy had become a slobbering wolf, a ladykiller, a conqueror…I suddenly stopped as I realized that Joan had taken her shirt and bra off, but her hand was no longer down my pants.
“Joan?” “Yes, Larsen?” “Why did you take your hands out of my pants?!”She averted her eyes at this point, and backpedaled into
“Oh, c’mon!” I said in an indignant manner. “What’s your problem, Larsen?” “The problem is that I want you to stop standing in the corner!”
“Mmm, don’t worry about her” Nina mewled, as I lifted her off the floor and threw her onto the bed.
Me and Nina are going to do the biz whether or not you want to stand in the corner” I admonished Joan as I began to crawl on top of her friend.
“‘The biz'”? Joan said, mocking my speech patterns. Our eyes met in anger, as I gave off something of a snarl. “Joan.” “Yeah, Halleck?” “Get over here now.”
“Fuck off” she flippantly replied, as she put her clothes back on and stormed out of the room. I gripped the edge of my uncomfortable school bed in anger, having half a mind to follow her out of the room and forcefully carry her back in. My good judgment took over, and I returned to the one woman I had left.
At this point we started having sex as one would expect.
So that’s my one experience with two girls at the same time-it was highly disappointing. But in a strange way, I find it kind of liberating-Perhaps it was that I had lived the old proverb of “wanting [being] better than having”, or maybe it was the other proverb of “one in the hand is worth two in the bush”. Or, maybe now that I know “building a three person household” isn’t some sort of sexual nirvana, I am more knowledgeable about the carnal arts than most (and being smarter than the dolts around you always feels good, doesn’t it?).
Certainly, I’d still like to have the ideal threesome, but in the mishandling of my first experience, I feel I can more accurately determine girls that would be willing to do it. If you take anything else from this article and this entire website, learn that you will fuck up in your quest for lust, love, or anything else, but fail big, make up for it on the rebound, and regroup.