How To Tie A Noose

Nooses have been in the news as of late-a few weeks ago a fame-hungry wannabe porn star at DePaul University tied a dismal-and I mean dismal-excuse for a noose (see the image at the top of the page) in a vain attempt at laying a hate crime hoax on the fashionably spindly shoulders of Milo Yiannopolous.

This noose, quite frankly, does not remotely resemble a hangman’s noose, and barely even resembles a simple noose (a simple noose being what one uses to snare a small game animal).

Every so often, nooses will be used in situations of intimidation towards African-Americans, obviously evoking fears of lynching and mob violence. Almost always, these will end up being hoaxes, but for the purposes of this article, the omnipresence of hoaxes is okay:

If you’re reading this and you’re a social justice warrior/NAACP desk jockey who wants to stir up fears of hate crimes, don’t embarrass yourself by tying some flaccid bundle of twine into a circle and calling it a “noose”-allow me to show you how to properly tie a noose, made easy for your soft and uncallused hands that have never done anything useful. As a bonus, this article will also demonstrate how to tie a simple noose as a means of demonstrating the difference.

THE SIMPLE NOOSE

The simple noose, which you probably know as a lasso, is, as the name implies, much easier than the hangman’s noose, consisting entirely of a bowline knot with the rope drawn through the hole. It chokes and restricts breathing of the throat that it is wrapped around, rather than breaking the cervical vertebrae (which is the purpose of the big knot behind the hangman’s noose).

The bowline knot is done by looping one end of a rope over the other and pointing this working end (or “bit”) to the right, as pictured below.

Holding the rope in this position, loop the working end under and through the loop.

Make sure to keep a little hole (made by the loop and the working end) inside the big hole, so to speak.

Then wrap the working end around the fixed end, bring it around and back through the little hole within the big hole, and pull it tight.

From here, take the remaining rope you have, and pull it through the loop made through the bowline loop. And that’s the simple noose. Bear in mind that for a proper pull to be effected, the bowline loop should be no bigger than the circumference of a pencil (I have made the hole bigger to make it easier to see).

This sort of noose can be propped up in front of an animal den and used as a simple snare…

Rigged up to an engine and used as a trap snare…

Or used as a noosing wand or lasso for non-lethal animal control.

This could kill a human, but slowly and messily, and likely no lynching or execution was ever done with one of these.

No, this post isn’t really about wilderness survival stuff. What you came here for is…

THE HANGMAN’S NOOSE

To tie a hangman’s noose, what you want to do is lay the rope on the floor or some other flat surface, and arrange it like this:

Taking the right most end as the working end, sort of push all of the rope parts together so that you have a big loop in the middle, as shown.

The leftmost end is what fixes the noose to the gallows, should you use it for its intended purpose (OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER: I do not condone using this information for violence, this information is purely for the aspiring SJW who wants to commit a fake hate crime).

Then, taking the working (right) end, wrap it around and up the pile of ropes you have made, moving up towards the fixed end. Stop just before you’ve completely covered up the top loop.

Once you have almost run out of the working rope, loop it around once more and pull it through the topmost loop.

This completes the hangman’s noose. Pulling one side of the loop tightens the knot, the other adjusts the size of the loop.

Go forth, young leftist, and commit lies, libel, and slander for a good cause!

SPECIAL BONUS CONTENT

Should you want to add the spice of variety to your fake hate crimes, you might be inclined to graffiti a wall with a swastika-hopefully not painted with feces this time.

Doing a bit of research will reveal, to your horror, that there is indeed an almost identical symbol called the Manji-a dichotomy that will undoubtedly confuse and frustrate you.

Telling the difference between the two is very simple, almost as simple as drawing either of them:

The Manji is typically red or gold rather than black, befitting its typical use as a Buddhist or Jainist symbol. Its “spokes” go in a counterclockwise direction, in contrast to the clockwise swastika, as seen in the picture comparing the two.