In honor of black history month, I stick a thumb into the eye of a beloved modern mythos: the idea of Ancient Egypt being a nation populated by black people.

Now, now, before everybody gets mad at me—I am aware that there WERE “black pharaohs”, in the sense that there was a period where Nubians conquered Egypt and ruled as pharaohs. But there’s the lie: the “black pharaohs” were different from the default pharaohs, if you will.

Let’s observe the evidence, shall we?

[As you can see here], this is a tomb fresco in which we see the technique of hierarchical scale—the most important guy is the biggest. And it’s this olive skinned charioteer here, so we can surmise that this guy who we’re supposed to be paying attention to is supposed to be Egyptian—obviously the Egyptians wouldn’t portray some OTHER ethnic group as the most important. People are ethnocentric, or at least they are when they’re not culturally engineered to be ethnomasochistic

And on the right side, we can see some distinctly different colored people that are quite obviously being defeated by the Egyptians on the left side. Dare I say that the people on the right are black people?

And here’s another Egyptian painting picture in which you can clearly see lighter skinned people, uh…having their penises washed by dark skinned people.

…

*Ahem* The slight envy I feel for not having a personal penis washer aside, I again don’t think it’s likely that the Egyptians would be depicting themselves washing some other people’s penises.

And even in pictures where there’s only Egyptian people depicted, we can see that they are again depicting themselves as these sorts of ruddy, light brown figures in marked contrast to their darker Sub-Saharan neighbors…

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