Wine. The nectar of the gods, the preferred drink of the aristocrat and the pseudo-aristocrat alike. And then there’s you, Mr. Peon, who desperately wants to climb into this world of sophistication but just can’t seem to find the right way to go about doing it. As a social drinker and alcohol sophisticate myself (having made myself a fair expert in cocktails through sheer dint of will), I decided not too long ago to teach myself a thing or two about the sommelier’s art, should I ever find myself thrust into a situation that would require it— and besides, the best way to stimulate a new article is to learn some new information, I always say.
While the field is fairly complicated for the beginner, a little bit of study can clarify a lot of your questions and enable you to sommerlier much better than the average man, wowing your friends and intimidating your enemies with your knowledge of high culture.
The First Thing To Remember
…Is that wine people want it to seem complicated so they can look cool and get money from you. Just realize that NOBODY will ever know everything about wine (or anything, really). Having a basic knowledge will take you 75% of the way.
Now that that’s out of the way:
Wine is essentially yeast-fermented fruit juice, usually but not always grape.
So if it’s so simple, then why do wines differ in taste and quality? It depends on the type of grape, type of container it’s held in (whether it’s wood or metal, and the type of wood or metal), the size of the container, the temperature of the juice, the type of soil and climate the grapes grow in, and the time of maturation after fermentation. Fermentation lasts at least a few days or sometimes months, and maturation can go as long as a couple of years.
Wine Colors
In essence wine comes in white, red, or pink (alternatively referred to as “blush”).
Whites:
White wine is usually not literally white, but it is called so because it has no “redness” within.
White wine is made with white grapes—which are not literally white, but the term “white grape” refers to any grape that is not red or blue.
You can also make white wine by using red grapes but ONLY the juice, NOT the skin—the skin gives it its pigmentation. This is not very common, the most common white wine to use red grapes is authentic French champagne, which will be further discussed in a later article.
White wine is typically drunk either by itself or with light foods (in contrast to reds and pinks), the fancy term for this is “aperitif”.
White wines fall into four categories generally speaking, not counting the dessert wines or sparkling wines. These are fresh and un-oaked wines (meaning light, crisp, no sweetness or “oakiness”, “oakiness” being a complex array of flavor effects caused by the use of oak barrels in the aging and fermentation process. It’s not a simple concept of MORE OAK IS BETTER, it can vary greatly), earthy wines (dry, full bodied, unoaked or lightly oaked), aromatic whites (intense aromas and flavors that come from the grape variety, dry or not dry), and oaky whites (dry and full bodied with “oakiness”)
Whites are usually chilled. You don’t want it TOO cold, because that messes up the flavors. Various types of wine have different recommended temperatures, and they’ll often be labeled as such.
Red Wines:
Are of course made with red grapes.
The color comes from the skins of the grapes, and in addition to the color the skins give them tannin, an acidic compound which gives red wines a stronger flavor. The longer the juice steeps in the skin of the grapes the more tannic the wine gets, and thus more sour.
Just like the whites there are different styles of red wine: the soft and fruity reds (low tannin, light and fruity), the mild reds (medium tannin and subtle, unfruity flavors), spicy reds (flavorful and fruity, moderate tannin), and powerful reds (full bodied and high tannic, often expensive)
Tannins act as a preservative so most reds do not have sulfites (a preservative often added to white wine). Reds are also eaten with food more often than just on their own. Also note that you don’t drink reds cold, it makes the tannins bitter. But not too warm either, it should feel cool to the hand, but not cold.
Roses:
Pronounced “rosay”, these are pink wines. They are made from red grapes, but they only steep in the skins briefly. Thus they don’t have much tannin and they are drunk chilled like whites.
Many roses are alternatively called blushes.
Another Tripartite Division
In addition to the color divisions, you can divide wines into table wines, sparkling wines, dessert wines.
Table wines have alcohol content of less than or equal to 14%, and no bubbles. 14% is the threshold where the sugars run out for yeast to ferment in most grape varieties.
Dessert wines have alcohol added after the initial fermentation. They are usually sweet and served after dinner, but not always. They are sometimes also called fortified wines. Fun fact: alcohol regulations allow you a 1.5% leeway on labeling the alcohol content, so 12.5 can be 11 or 13. If you see an odd decimal like 12.7, it’s usually legit.
Sparkling wines: carbonated, the carbonation is naturally occurring. CHAMPAGNE is a very specific variety of sparkling wine made in the Champagne region of France, with specific grapes and soil and such—and they get angry if you use “champagne” as a generic term.
Grape Varieties:
Probably the biggest thing effecting wine quality (that, and the growing of said grapes), with the remainder being processes done to the grapes and how they react to said processes.
As we know, grapes are red or white, but there are other differences: Some have floral smells or herbaceous smells, some have high acid, some have thick skins and thus more tannin, etc. These occur naturally in various grape varieties.
Another thing that is important are the so-called “performance factors” such as speed of ripening of each grape variety.
So-called “noble grapes” (Called so just because they make really good wine) are the best for wine making (obviously), but bear in mind these are often only noble in one particular environment/soil type/whatever. This includes such famed varieties as the chardonnay grape, the Cabernet Sauvignon grape, etc.
Obviously, I don’t expect you to learn all of the 1000 or so grape varieties used in making wine (I certainly haven’t), so instead realize that there’s nothing wrong with asking somebody at the liquor store about the taste and qualities of the grape and thus the wine you’re thinking of purchasing.
Those are the very basics of wine, and should be able to get you through your average dinner party without looking like a complete clod. But if you really want to come off like a stud, wait for the next sommelier article, which will come…sometime in the future.