On today’s episode of Pick Up Assholes, we profile Vince Kelvin, a disconcertingly short 50-something who willingly chooses to dress like he fights Mike Haggar on the streets of Metro City.

Associated with the University of Glasgow, William Thomson, 1st Lord Kelvin, is best known for developing the  theory of absolute zero temperatures, a theoretical degree of cold in which all subatomic motion stops and…

Wait, it’s not the same guy? Shit!

According to Pick Up Academy, Vince Kelvin is “the wildest pick up artist in the PUA community”. He’s highly qualified, developed Integrated Game (whatever that is), and promises that he can get you making out in minutes. He also had a CNN profile done on him. 

He’s also known by his detractors as “The PUA Oompa Loompa”…for some strange reason I just can’t understand. Perhaps you can look at the featured image and deduce the reason why. Speaking of the featured image, a casual glance at him he’s a little…uh…long in the tooth.

And by that I mean he’s practically old enough to be my father. I would make a joke about how this pathetic 50-something year old man running around dressed like a teenager reflects the decay of American society, but it turns out he’s actually some variety of Eurotrash. Needless to say, watching this guy try to get laid oughta be great.

Along the way you’ll see Vince hover hand women, literally get down on his hands and knees begging women to give him his phone number, strike out repeatedly with 90% of the women he talks to (and yet be oddly proud of it), and amass a small army of deluded chodes—his true talent in life.

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