A long time ago I did an article on skincare for the masculine man—in said article I argued that a man should be concerned with his physical appearance to a moderate extent. Not to the extent of being an effeminate ponce, of course, but neither should he let it go lax to the point of being a smelly, pustule-faced slob. I still stand by that, and thus have written this follow up article on haircare for the masculine man.

“Into hair? What, are you into boys too, ya fag?” you might be saying. Naturally, I feel that the hair should be taken care of within a sensible limit, in the same way that the skin is. You shouldn’t be going out of your way to jheri curl your hair, or get highlights, but the hair should be properly washed and groomed.

So let’s get to the practicals!

The first step is, of course to get your hair cut in a way that doesn’t suck—that means no bowl cuts, no Skrillexes, no mullets, and none of that crap with the peacock tuft in the back. If you’ve got a bad haircut, you may or may not have to shear yourself completely to fix it.

So once you’ve gotten that fixed, you have to decide what kind of haircut you ultimately want, a long or short one. The “base” haircut you have will determine what you can work with and what styles you can have.

Since you are (presumably) a young male professional, I would recommend a relatively short haircut that you can either wear natural or style—here are two that I have worn in the past

1) The “Regular Cut”

A typical men’s haircut that has enough hair on top to comb, a defined or deconstructed side part, and a short, semi-short, medium, long, or extra long back and sides. The style is also known by other names including “taper cut, regular taper cut, side-part and standard haircut”; as well as “short back and sides, business-man cut and professional cut”.

This is a, if you’ll pardon the expression, standard cut in any barber’s repertoire, and has been for milennia (such a haircut was in fact standard issue in the Roman legions). Perhaps because of this, this haircut has a reputation for being somewhat “Square” (literally AND figuratively); indeed, it’s more than likely the haircut that a father in any given 1950s television show is wearing.

Because of this it’s very easy to maintain and can be respectably worn as it is. However, depending on how long the hair on top or on the sides are, you can style this simple haircut into many others such as the pompadour, the “duck’s ass”, or the quiff (if you want to be a pompous douche).

Ask your barber for suggestions based on the shape of your face and head—if he’s worth his salt, he’ll have good ideas.

 

2) The Undercut

Yes, yes, I know that this haircut has become somewhat tainted in recent years thanks to its association with a cabal of tiki-torch waving bathhouse enthusiasts, but hear me out!

Much like the regular cut, this too was a haircut that originated for practical reasons in the Edwardian era, as a simple and practical men’s haircut—especially amongst both police officers and gangsters who were expecting to get into a lot of fights. Similarly, it was worn by soldiers, particularly tankers. And much like the regular cut, the simplicity of the undercut means it can be feathered, swept to the side, quiffed, pompadoured, slicked back, or styled in a variety of ways.

Perhaps you should wait a year or two for this haircut to stop being associated with the jagweeds in the alt-right, but I’d definitely recommend it, assuming that you don’t have a weird looking head that the undercut will make look worse.

Styling

So you’ve gotten your haircut, now you have to style it—and that means you’re going to need two main tools: a comb and a brush. There are many of these, depending on the various types of hair texture there are, but to put it VERY simply—those with straight hair are going to need a straight comb, like so:

And those with kinky hair are going to need a pick comb:

And for brushes, I would actually recommend two; A regular paddle brush for when you need to straighten out unruly bed hair or otherwise wild hair.

And (here’s the unusual one), a roll brush or “porcupine” brush.

“Aren’t those for women, Larsen?” you might be asking—I used to think so to, but then when I *ahem* “bought” one, I realized how useful it was for combing the hair upwards, creating volume and lift without the use of a hair dryer. Thus I recommend having both types of brush, one for taming unruly hair and one for proper styling. With the roll brush, experiment with techniques and movements to get the effect you want on your hair. Personally, I roll it through the hair, getting the hair caught, and then pulling it up to create volume and give myself something of a proper pompadour (Rather than that hipster shit they have nowadays) but whatever works for you.

The Product

And now the most important—the product you put in your hair. Most of it is absolute crap. Personally, I recommend just two: Brylcreem for thin and straight hair, and Murray’s Pomade for thick, kinky hair. Both of which have served American men for close to a century.

For the former, just dampen your hair, squirt a quarter sized dollop into your hands, rub it thoroughly through your hair, and then style. It provides decent hold and yet washes out with one shampooing.

Murray’s on the other hand is thicker and requires more work: it has the consistency of petroleum jelly and thus needs to be warmed up and liquefied to be workable—some recommend just working it into a lather in your hands, some recommend actually using a lighter similar to what some advocate for shoe polish, see what works for you. This stuff won’t wash out with one mere shampooing, you’re actually going to have to repeatedly rinse it with dish soap or a similar detergent to clean your hair.

Shampoo

Yes, I know that some in the manosphere forgo shampoo on the whole, again, it probably depends on what sort of hair you have. But if you must buy a shampoo, I go with the one and only Mane and Tail.

Yes, a horse shampoo. Laugh if you must, but I’ve never found a better shampoo, so much so that I’m not getting paid for this plug. It’s cheap, too, comparably priced to the human shampoos, and in a much bigger bottle. And hey, a horse’s mane is a lot bigger than your head of hair, so you know it must be effective..

Note: Some people feel that shampoo shouldn’t be used because it removes the natural oils of your hair and scalp, ultimately creating dry skin and dandruff. This may work for fashion plates who live an idle lifestyle, but if you’ve read this far, you are a man of action, and you sweat a lot! You don’t want all that filth on your head.

A compromise I have found is to shampoo regularly, but reduce the amount you use. Simply squirt a couple of drops of it into your hand (about the size of a quarter), and use that. It cleans the scalp but doesn’t completely remove those natural oils.

Seems simple doesn’t it? Indeed it really is. And there’s no reason for you to ever have a bad hair day again.