The featured image: Revenge of the Ninja—a film from 1983, for anyone who wants to whine about “muh desexualization”.

Anyway, this is yet another one of my titles that I’m sure is absolutely dumbfounding you people.

Martial arts? Being used to ATTRACT women? Larsen are you high?

It sounds a bit odd, doesn’t it? In fact, it sounds downright autistic, the idea that you can put on your gi/tangzhuang/whatever and punch a woman in the face to get her to hop into bed with you. After all, martial arts, in particular the more traditional martial arts, have a somewhat-deserved reputation for being dorky as hell. And while I have no doubt a UFC fighter has no trouble whatsoever getting a woman, your average dad bod having suburban karate instructor doesn’t get laid very often (unless, of course, you count the statutory rape.)

And yet in the past 2 months I have managed to get two women into bed by applying my martial arts knowledge.

How, you might ask?

First of all, I should point out that both of the women in these cases were practitioners of martial arts themselves (aikido and judo if you must know), and that is in fact why I came up with this idea to begin with. With that being said, you might be able to pull this off with a woman with absolutely no interest in martial arts if you breach the topic gently.

Recall what Harry Flashman once said about how “…a fight is best to get the women excited…and once they’re excited they copulate like a monkey”—that’s the basic idea we’re doing here.

So, from what I’ve gathered, it works a bit like this:

1) Finagle the conversation to pertain to martial arts in some way, in particular grappling. You can accomplish this by talking about your many skills and accolades, one of which just happens to be the ability to kick people’s asses in a precise and scientific manner. And frankly, if you haven’t already conveyed to her that you are a suave and debonair man of action, you’ve done something wrong.

2) Tell them about some move you know, and ask them if they’d be okay with demonstrating it on them. And naturally with a devil-may-care attitude, reassure the young lady that you won’t be hurting her…too bad.

3) When she says yes, hit her with it!

It’s as simple as that. Do it in the manner of a dashing and honorable martial arts teacher, and let her do it to you too.

Obviously do it gently so you’re not going to break her delicate lady skeleton. I suggest something like a head and arm throw or a hiplock. Those moves are pretty easy to do in a way that you can modulate the amount of force and gently take someone down. And if you find that you cannot throw her to the ground unless you’re doing it with full power..then I would highly suggest you stop going out with fatties.

If you do it right, you’ll by definition be in a top mount position. And more importantly (and this is the key to attraction)—her adrenaline levels will be skyrocketing in all the most positive ways. Her lips will be parted, her heart will be pounding, and there will be absolutely nothing she wants more than for you to kiss her. And are you going to deny her what she wants? I would think not!

Studies show that a surefire way to get a woman attracted to you (especially in the start of a relationship) is to get her excited (non-sexually, numbnuts!). In other words, get her adrenaline levels pumping with something new and exciting, and she’ll be much more receptive to your romantic advances. And while this can indeed work with any kind of exciting, slightly dangerous activity (I’ve brought girls axe throwing to cite one example, or you could bring her to an amusement park if you’re not, y’know, insane like I am), I recommend martial arts practice due to the fact that it literally costs you nothing—I provide stuff like that to you for free, after all.

Does it sound ridiculous? You bet it does. But try it for yourself-it works for me!