In the wake of the great Stan Lee’s untimely passing, I decided that it might be best to read the fitness and nutrition guide Marvel put out in the 1970s…and of course, I decided to mock it.

Face Front, true believers! Lev Hymowitz, er, Larsen Halleck here, making a delightfully cheeky reference to the fact that most of the early comic book impresarios were Jews OH GOD PLEASE DON’T HURT ME ADL.

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…When I got wind that Marvel put out a fitness book in the 1970s, I was there! This is 70s Marvel, a time when they were seriously considering doing a Captain America Broadway Musical in which Cap dealt with both a mid-life crisis and terrorists in Washington DC, there was an Elf with a Gun, and Luke Cage became Thor for some reason.

Haha, what silliness! Not like the 90s, when the Punisher decided that he could fly with the power of hate, or the mid 2000s when Spider-Man killed Mary Jane with his radioactive spider semen…

One might ask what anybody at Marvel knows about fitness? Even on his death bed, I’m pretty sure that Jack Kirby could hand me my ass, and Stan was pretty spry until his death, but this came out in the 70s, and fitness back then consisted of starvation and chain smoking. Could be worse, they could have Gabby Rivera doing a fitness book or something.

…And according to the back cover, doing the exercises contained within this book will make you, the dorky reader, into a superhero!

Well, we shall certainly see about all of that. Enjoy!

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