“Women be crazy amirite?!”

Wakka wakka!

But yes, hack comedy aside, many women will naturally jump to conclusions and panic, especially if you are a man worth having. What I mean by that is: If a woman feels that you COULD cheat (not due to you having wandering eyes but due to you being a desirable stud), they will start to panic and get angry, accusing you of this or that, whether it be cheating or just looking.

If you’re a man who doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, you’ll yell back at her, and it’ll go back and forth and you’ll sleep on the couch and everybody will be mad.

I used to make this mistake quite a lot, but now I see that there is a much easier way to go about it. A way you can defuse any situation with your woman and, yes, make her do that fabled thing: Apologize to YOU.

You don’t have to yell and be a belligerent tool, but you don’t have to be a supplicating shitass either, because in the long run she doesn’t enjoy that either, despite what the chattering people say about women. They get tired of wimps and beta chodes real quick.

So what is to be done? When your woman is losing her shit over something, here’s what you can do. First of all, and by far the most important thing: remain calm. Keep a cool head. People in general and women in particular (being more social creatures than us brutish men) react to what others in the group are doing. If you’re freaking out and losing your shit, she’ll probably do the same.

But thankfully, I have already taught you how to meditate and remain calm—do so.

Step two is vaguely similar, but is much more important. In this scenario assume that you are right because, let’s be honest, you probably will be. But again, don’t be arrogant. Put on the “benevolent patriarch” guise—and that is the key. Calmly (I emphasize CALMLY) and rationally explain to your woman why you didn’t mean any offense, and why she is acting irrationally.

Console her when she’s upset, and reassure her that you love her and you’re not mad, but also act aloof and like this tomfoolery is beneath you—because it is.

Be the bigger man! Not in the sense that the church defines “being a bigger man” (which inevitably means “submit to women”), but a true man. A man who gets his point across and “Wears the pants”—you will win the argument and get her to apologize to you, but you must do this by being calm, cool, and mature.

If you do this right, she will immediately apologize, and perhaps be a bit remorseful. If so, that is of course your cue to console her. And with that, the argument is done. You’ve won the day!

I guarantee you her anger will dissipate if you do this right.

Truly the mark of a great man, a barbaric gentleman, is the ability to expertly duel with his fists and his words. And sometimes, an aikido-like soft touch and misdirection of blunt force, is what wins the day.