Let’s talk about pets.

Who doesn’t like an animal to come home to every day? No matter how much you fuck up at school or your job, your pets will always love and respect you. I myself have recently become the proud owner of two lovely fancy rats, pictured below.

These fat cheese eating SOBs are very smart, affectionate, and eminently trainable, having already been trained to use a litter box and will in the future be trained to do many more things. But I haven’t come here merely to talk about my “surrogate children”—because I don’t see them as my surrogate children. I love them as pets, but not as children. Indeed, I find that very concept is a big problem, this attitude of using pets as surrogate children. Undoubtedly you’ve noticed there are a lot of very emotionally unstable people today who have an unhealthy obsession with their pets. Observe the featured image.

In this day and age, some people are WAAAAAAAAAAY too into their pets, and indeed some people do view them as surrogate children. Undoubtedly you’ve seen those “fur baby” whatever-the-hell bumper stickers on people’s cars, haven’t you?

And believe it or not, some people are even more unhealthy about the whole thing, to the point of doing long, elaborate roleplays and LARPs as their pets on internet forums. Disturbed? It gets WORSE: some people in recent days have even been marrying their pets! And This is not a once-off crackpot, this has happened multiple times, to the point where books have been written about the subject.

As much as I hate to say it (having never seen an example of this in my own life), perhaps there is a bit of truth to that “white women fuck dogs” meme.

As far as I’m aware, nobody was marrying their pets 100 years ago—indeed, the Wikipedia article on human/animal marriage cites no cases of this before 2006 (outside of mythology and folklore of course), where a Sudanese man got international headlines for marrying a goat.

The mythological concept of humans marrying animals exists in cultures all around the world, but note that our ancient forebears knew the idea was som Tewhat fantastical, only conceivable with a deity taking the form of an animal. Thus, in mythology, human/animal marriage is always used as a symbolic marriage of human to the Earth or some other primordial entity. While zoophilia (which is to say having sex with animals) was probably more common back then, it was certainly not something people celebrated and encouraged. Indeed, most instances of zoophilia I’ve seen in the past seem to be acts of desperation from soldiers on the march, the proverbial “lonely farm hand” with no other options, or jaded hedonists who have burned out on normal human sex—another reason to be sexually moderate, as I have discussed. Indeed, even in medieval times, bestiality was a crime punishable by death.

 So we must ask: why is this happening now all of a sudden?

Just to clarify, even nowadays animal/human sex and marriage is comparatively rare—what is far more common is unmarried single people or childless couples having a creepy obsession with their pets, using them as surrogate children. This HAS been analyzed psychologically, and it seems pretty cut and dry. People who don’t have children for any reason (whether it be biological infertility or a lack of desire for children) will dote upon the dog or cat instead. Somewhat weird, but understandable.

What’s far more confusing is the idea of marrying your pet. Why would somebody do this, you might ask? I think the case of Elizabeth Hoad of the UK might answer this.

According to the woman herself, she went on “221 bad dates and four broken engagements” before realizing that the dog was the only man constant in her life—a man who would beg for food from her hands and always be a stable force in her life. Stability and control seems to be the key, not that I’m blaming the men in her life.

As the old joke goes, “If you get kicked out of 1 bar, the bartender was an asshole. But if you get kicked out of 100 bars, you might be the asshole.” Similarly, if you have one bad date, the guy was an asshole, but if you have 221 bad dates…you might be the asshole. And that seems to be the case with the women who marry their pets, at least in Western societies. These are damaged, mentally unstable women who are seeking out any form of stability in their life, and are seeking out the animal to provide it.

If I had to guess, it would also be due to a desire of control and infantilization of the male in their life, which is much easier to do with an animal then with a human (As well as not being judged for doing so). Again, a mentally healthy woman wouldn’t do this, but a woman who has been continually spurned by men would desire one she can keep under her thumb.

Unfortunately, I don’t believe there has been any study done on this subject, and I’m not a psychologist so I can’t psychologically analyze these women, but as an educated amateur guess, I would assume this was the case. At least for women who do this, I would assume that they lived unhappy lives of poor or unhealthy socialization. They repeatedly saw their friends settle down with men and live much happier lives than them, and thus they become gripped with a desire to control any masculine presence to be a stabilizing “rock” so to speak. Which naturally leads to dog marriage. And as usual, when men do it, it’s out of sheer loneliness and desperation.

As for why people would have sex with animals…that too, reflects the decay of society. Looking at Weimar Germany, we can see that a humiliated and broken society will inevitably turn to really weird sex stuff to cope—except the UK and US won World War 2 and we’ve still fallen.

I genuinely feel sympathy for anybody who does this, as they are products of a broken system. The real question to ask is: why and how has society decayed so much that a woman who is not hideous by any means can’t even find a beta orbiter to latch onto?