You wanted more, and here it is. Non-film related Seagal insanity! Do you want magic talking dogs? Sexual abuse? Hypocritical Religion? Projectile defecation? If so, you are one sick puppy, but you’ve come to the right place nonetheless.
When he’s not shilling LITERALLY ANYTHING, he’s shilling himself in yet another persona, that of a mixed martial arts grandmaster. He has somehow managed to talk his way into the walkout entourage of several victorious UFC fighters like Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida. Both of whom are conveniently Brazilian gentlemen who don’t speak English. By an astonishing coincidence, a few years back, both Silva and Machida won back to back fights with front kicks to the face, and naturally Seagal took credit for this, claiming to have taught them this move in training camp. Not only that, Seagal claims to have invented the move.
But I’m dancing around the point, which is to say that Steven Seagal has at various points claimed to have gotten advice from magical telepathic dogs to put out a dojo fire, and that his Japanese students worshipped him as a god and for the love of god I am 100% serious here.
Steven feels that Putin is the best world leader working today, and has such faith in him that he has written an open letter to him asking to support IMMORTALITY AND ARTIFICIAL BODY TRANSPLANT RESEARCH
He has been proclaimed to be a tulku, a reincarnated lama, who denied nirvana to stay on earth and help others achieve enlightenment (you may know the concept under the name bodhisattva). This is unusual because most of these people are recognized as children rather than sweaty fat men in their late 30s. This may or may not have something to do with him paying a substantial amount of money as a charitable donation. Never let it be said that Buddhist monks and lamas can’t be just as hypocritical and corrupt as a Western priest. And speaking of hypocrisy and corruption…
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