What you get when you look up “three way” with Safe Search on

I have a confession to make. I have…slightly misled you on this title, purely for the purposes of attempting to get some of that sweet, sweet, clickbait money. But the title is not entirely a lie, for while this will not teach you some magical formula for convincing two girls to go to bed with you simultaneously (click here for my opinions on that overrated sexual practice), this article *is* about teaching you a sexual technique that is sure to satisfy whatever woman you manage to convince to go to bed with you. And this technique involves a combination of three sexual positions-thus, the phrase “three way sex” is technically accurate.

Yes, having the skills to sexually satisfy your partner is a necessity for all men, from the most hedonistic Game shill to the stuffiest “Trad-Con”. Just because you’re a traditional conservative and you want to live a life of chastity and old timey virtue doesn’t mean you have to have boring sex-and from my experience, being in an intimate and loving relationship with somebody leads to better sex, as familiarity breeds comfort to discuss what you like and don’t like in bed.

A bit of forewarning: This maneuver is fairly acrobatic, and requires a modicum of functional strength utilizing the lower and upper body. If you lack the physical ability to do this, you should knuckle down and get that physical ability. Or maybe you should start dating women that you’re capable of picking up.

THE TECHNIQUE

The technique is a combination of two common and one uncommon sexual positions, done one after another in a logical progression of bodily movements. As usual, begin your sex with heavy petting and foreplay-while some men find foreplay to be a waste of time, I actually enjoy it. It helps that I’m no longer an antsy teenager who pops a boner as soon as a woman smiles at him-indeed, I’m willing to admit that the foreplay always helps to get me at full erection.

Once you’re standing at attention, tell your woman to mount you-this is the tried and true “cowgirl” position, and needs no introduction. Personally I find that the deeper penetration this position provides is often enough for the woman to orgasm on her own…although bear in mind that some women might have difficulty getting into this position (really tiny “spinners” have this problem a lot, and ironically I’ve heard that the morbidly obese do as well).

Anyway, once you’re in the cowgirl position, let the woman do most of the work. To remind her that you haven’t fallen asleep, plant your feet, lock your hips like you’re doing a wrestling short bridge, and give her a few upward thrusts. Alternately, give her a nice smack on the behind.

(As an aside, to go back to the spinner example, the one I was involved with before I met my current girlfriend seemed to actually get erogenous pleasure from spanking-indeed, I could use my index finger alone and make her squeal. I don’t know whether it’s that smaller women have higher concentrations of nerve endings-although I’d suspect it since I could make her orgasm by rubbing her nipples-or whether it’s that my hands are just that strong. I don’t have data on it, take my anecdote as you will).

By the time your woman has orgasmed (or come close to it), you will still be in fighting trim and ready to go another round of sex-that’s the beauty of a sexual position where the blood flows away from the glans of the penis. And you’ll be continuing the vertical orientation of your organ with the next position-my favorite, the supported congress!

You will be getting into this position directly from the cowgirl position-wait for her to slow down or stop entirely (which she should have legitimate reason to do if you’ve been doing it right), and then suddenly lunge forward, grab her around the waist, and stand up upon your feet-I emphasize that you should never end coitus, and it should be rapid.

If you’ve done this properly, her reaction will be a shriek half comprised of shock and half comprised of the utmost arousal. Her arms and legs will tightly wrap around your shoulders and waist, an involuntary reflex to a genuine fear of falling flat on her face. In short, her adrenaline glands will be working their endocrine magic.

This step here is the crucial one-for done right, this position will set any woman ablaze with passion. There are a few reasons for this: One is the sheer shock of it detailed above-the introduction of new partners has been shown to increase sexual arousal for both men and women, and I would argue that anything sexually new and exciting would do the same.

The second is the aspect of physical domination-simply put, women like to know that their man is physically capable, and from my experience they enjoy being gently manhandled. Or to put it another way, no woman is aroused by you politely asking for permission to make love to them.

The third is related to the second, but it’s more of a sense of emotional domination. To take a woman so suddenly, to physically throw her around, it’s all rather barbaric, isn’t it? And, again, women are receptive to this forcefulness. And so are men: since victory and triumph have been shown to increase testosterone levels, I would imagine hoisting your woman up and plowing her like you’re a Visigoth raping a Roman noblewoman would do the same thing.

To so quickly shift positions, especially into one that requires such muscular exertion on your part, is a pre-made package of rough sex you don’t even need to think about doing. All you need to do is talk a bit dirty to her in the midst of this position, and you’ll have stumbled into everything women fantasize about.

It’s highly unlikely that you yourself will have orgasmed by this point, and that is exactly what the plan demands of you (if you have premature ejaculation problems, try kegels). Once you’re done with the supported congress, remain in coitus as you throw your women down on the bed into the missionary position-be forceful, but not to the point where physical injury occurs-imagine a gentler version of a double leg takedown. And from here I think you can figure it out.

By the time you yourself have finished, your woman will likely have been well satisfied-indeed, my girlfriend refers to this combination as being “insane”, and I’ve heard similar reactions in the past. Feel free to use my moves in your own bedroom escapades! And if you can’t do it, then date somebody that you can physically handle.