Meet Hard Rock Nick—there’s nothing like a good old Failson to brighten up one’s day—here’s the Hard Rock Nick story.
…Nick Johannsen is a celebrity and TRUE PLAYA. He’s 300 pounds but carries it like it’s 200 pounds. He has an 11 inch wiener, owns 12 Mercedes, has a net worth of 350 million dollars, including 75 in cash, and owns houses in Japan and Paris. He is a majority shareholder in Netflix, owns hotels and casinos, and somehow finds time to instigate group chats with teenage girls. All this while only being 45 years old. But let’s read his profile…
He is an international baller and a pioneer in beard fashion. He bangs all the girls especially the white American nubile teen girls. He flexes hard, especially his, uh, laundry and fast food meals. Hard Rock Nick, a man we all aspire to be.
The problem is that his story is bullshit! Er, except for having a lot of laundry detergent and eating junk food, that’s real. He seems to think that posting pictures of your KFC value meal is a flex.
…He claims to be a multimillionare with a personal chef and celebrity contacts. The former is completely false but he apparently does have celebrity contacts. Namely his ex-wife is also Jeff Goldblum’s ex-girlfriend. I guess if you derp your way around the suburbs of Los Angeles you’ll bump into some celebrity hanger ons sooner than later.
Apparently he was not a very good husband, because she divorced and filed a restraining order against him. And he retaliated by breaking into her house and defecating in her sink. Uh, no comment about a middle eastern man taking a dump in the sink
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