Enter the Carterverse (Failsons)

What is this ‘Carterverse’, you might be asking yourself? The Carterverse is the realm of insanity in which former child star and current drug-addled lunatic Aaron Carter lives in, as well as the fans that get involved in his nonsense.

There’s a lot of glorious failure here, and we’re going to, ahem, Come Get It.

…Being that I’m…not a homosexual, I was never a fan of his, but I do recognize that he was pretty popular in his heyday. I am of course not using homosexual as an insult, but I am referring to how much of the fanbase for both carter brothers, and the Backstreet Boys on the whole, is nowadays made up to a large extent of gay men, which is stunning and brave, obviously.

 And by “heyday” I of course am referring to how, if you were watching Nickelodeon in the very early 2000s, as I was, then you have, by definition seen the music video for That’s How I Beat Shaq about 20,000 times...

Let’s dive into the carterverse. What is the carterverse? It’s simultaneously multiple things—first of all it is what remains of his fanbase, which consists mostly of 30 something women who had crushes on him when they were in middle school, homosexuals, and irony bros.

The carterverse is that but it’s also the web of exhibitionism and insanity that he lives in. In watching this video, you too are now within the carterverse, and so am I. God help us.

…Look into his eyes here, that is a man whose soul has died.

Not only his soul but his hygiene too, why does he have a film of some kind of stank on his armpit? It’s like a layer of grime, what is that? Ew!

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