Aikijutsu: More Obese White Ninjas (Kung Fail)

Today we’re talking Aikijutsu, because who doesn’t love seeing fat bellied white men pretending to be ninjas?

Hey folks Larsen here and welcome back to Kung Fail. This one was a tip from one of my fans, thank you Nicholas Mosher. Aikijutsu! It’s another chapter in the epic saga of the obese white ninjas.

What is Aikijutsu? Well it gives me a lot of GIS results of little moe moe girls so you know it’s legit! And that’s surprisingly relevant ot the topic at hand, but uh, we’ll get to THAT soon enough.

Kaiso Bret Gordon is the hallowed master of Aikijutsu. Training since he was 4 years old, Bret eventually became trained by the famous ninja master Masaaki Hatsumi and achieved the rank of *cough* Kaiso.

In 2007 he opened up Trio Martial arts to teach his Sanbudo style, an amalgamation of all he had learned. In 2012 he appeared in front of a panel representing the ryu Sakura do karate federation and he had San Budo recognized as a martial arts style.

He is also certified as a self defense instructor through the Law Enforcement Tactical Training Institute (LETTI), and a jiujitsu black belt. He ultimately partnered with one of his masters, Stephen Hatfield, and they currently teach the next generation. Wow, that’s a hell of a resume sir, you must be a defender of Earthrealm alongside Liu Kang and Johnny Cage!

The problem is this story is…mostly bullshit.

First of all, the truthful parts: He does legit have some training, there is video of him in competition from 15 years ago. I’m not sure if this is OLYMPIC LEVEL COMPETITION as he claims though considering it’s in a high school gym with like 10 people in the audience. But nonetheless, he does have some legit martial arts training, but much like Count Dante and George Dillman, he decides to make up bullshit superhero stories about himself rather than just teach the stuff he actually knows.

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