Yeah, it turns out I’m joining the “manosphere beef” club. But rather than complaining about the actions of one particular person, or stereotypes of certain types of commenters on the blog roll, I want to complain about a fairly major tenet of the entire concept of Game. A tenet that upsets me because this little corner of the realm of philosophy has otherwise made such great strides in becoming sensible and realistic.
Gone are the days of PUA and the “Mystery Method” (which incidentally coincided directly with the most awkward of my teenage years), when “men” would prance about in rainbow colored top hats, zebra patterned spandex, and beaver-faced codpieces in a futile attempt to attract women, instead replaced with a sensible holistic method of self-improvement, subtle body language, and in general making yourself an interesting person (instead of dressing like an imbecile to generate interest…in the same way that circus clowns generate interest). And yet, this one tenet remains, a holdout of the Dark Ages of seduction.
The tenet I refer to is, of course, “negging”. For those of you new to this area of the internet, “negging” is essentially giving subtle insults to a woman you are attempting to seduce (typically, but not necessarily, in the form of backhanded compliments, e.g. “You look pretty good except for all those split-ends” or whatever). The idea is that you are attempting to take her off her “high horse” and, thus, more susceptible to your cocksmithery.
While, as mentioned previously, the “Attack Pattern Alpha” days of seduction are largely dead (“Okay, I’m gonna touch her elbow for exactly 4.3 seconds, then turn my head and cough, turn back, tell a joke…OH GOD SHE TOLD ME A JOKE WHAT DO I DO?!!11”) many proponents of neo-masculinity still cling to negging while (rightfully) eschewing the other aspects of this old style.
My question is, why? Just to clarify, I fully realize that the absolute worst thing you can do in attempting to be with a woman is put her upon a pedestal, act obsequious to her, and allow her to take charge. Even the most narrow-shouldered, sunken chested wimp wants to be a swaggering brute, and women, deep down, sometimes want to be dominated by their man (the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey would suggest this, as would the preponderance of fictional works, going back to AT LEAST The Sheik in the 1920s, that tell more or less the exact same story). Women sometimes want a man to be a brute, a cool asshole.
But negging, in my eyes, doesn’t seem to make one a “cool” asshole at all. Oh, it makes you an asshole, but a most un-cool sort of asshole. The sort of asshole that urinates in a soap dispenser, masturbates in public, and tramples an old lady for Black Friday deals: a petulant, venal asshole that makes others miserable for personal pleasure or miniscule gain.
A “cool” asshole is one who commits assholish deeds, but in a way that A) Benefits himself and his woman, and B) More importantly, shows off the masculine virtues in some way (those virtues being Strength, Courage,Mastery, and Honor, thank you Mr. Donovan). The main question I have is: how does dishing out catty little insults show your masculinity at all?
In fact, I would argue that negging is incredibly un-masculine, and actually hurts your chances with a woman. Every woman in the world that has been to public school (or really, dealt with any group of women in the same age demographic at all) has had to deal with the “Alpha Bitch”, which is exactly what it sounds like: the pretty, popular girl who is, well, a bitch, cattily insulting the other girls for every piddling little aspect of their bodies, their clothes, their boyfriends, and so on and so forth. Negging IS that. Please, somebody, explain to me how negging is any different from the antics of the high school alpha bitch that one would find in any Jerkville or Stinkburg anywhere on the planet.
To reiterate a previous paragraph, women do want a degree of domination from their men. Women are social creatures (much more so than men), and may be somewhat more conformist than men, but they’re not stupid. They ALL remember the torment they suffered from the alpha bitch, and it goes without saying they don’t exactly have fond memories of it.
She didn’t run into the arms of her bully and start scissoring her then, so what makes you think that’s going to change when a man does it? Do you think she’ll respect you, submit to you when she sees you looking off to the side, flailing your limp wrist, mumbling insults about the cellulite upon her thighs or her haircut?
If you can prove me wrong, please, do so in the comments section. Until then…if you want to be a dominant man, then be dominant: Fix up your posture, take up space, look her in the eye, tell her what you’re going to be doing rather than asking her, and (on occasion), throw her over your shoulder and ravish her. She’ll like it, trust me.
If you want to be a cool asshole, the Jack-The-Lad, then crack witty jokes (which, yes, sometimes entails teasing her, but always with a wink and a smile), use brute force in a beneficial way, hell, even commit a petty crime in her presence (I mean something like shoplifting an apple from a fruit cart, numbnuts). But for god’s sake, don’t act like a bitchy teenage girl to her. She suffered that enough in her adolescence.
PS: The picture was the first Google Image result for “clucking primadonna”-that’s what you are whenever you neg. Stop it.